Sign at truck stop café reads: Eat here diet home.
On the side of a plumber's van: A straight flush is better than a full house.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.
Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet ... Miss a car payment.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
On septic tank pumping truck: You dump it, we pump it!
Septic tank service truck: We'll take crap from anyone!
In front of a car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully, we'll wait.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
On another Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
Plumber: We repair what your husband fixed.
Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
Door of a plastic surgeons office: Hello, can we pick your nose?
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
